The distressed mind speaks.....

Someone has rightly said...the best piece of work happens when we are not in our peace of mind...I am going through a similar phase since months...I have no clue if this is my best piece of work...but it sure is the worst phase of my life...This piece of writing is not something worth a read but I need to help myself..Readers..kindly bear with me...
Yes!!!One year and 5 months into my marriage....Tired of this tag for many reasons which does make sense to me...is it the same for all??I really wonder...Ups and downs I understand is part and parcel of anything and everything we undertake in our lives....Relationships too have its own share of ups and downs....But when it starts digging you deep leaving you all alone...you feel tired...you feel lost....and your distressed mind starts speaking...its speaking to me day and night..I need to quote its words out of my heart just with the hope that it would make me feel light..

When single, every girl looks forward to marry the prince of their lives..who would protect her, support her..blah blah blah...well....I am stupid to think I am the Princess Rapunzel...
I don't really mean such stories do not exist..but sometimes it makes me really wonder ...if they still do exist??

Emotional intimacy..have heard about it a lott....I somehow have accepted the fact that in  my marriage ,I am the emotionally neglected one.Yes, we are physically apart but the emotional intimacy we shared at one particular point has disappeared too.To a certain extent, I can help but how long it would go...I am not at peace.My mind is wandering, I am helpless and getting selfishly involved with my needs.How I wish things could happen the way I dreamed them to be..I have lost the meaning towards living life.I am disturbed.I am scared.Some kind of fear has groped me from within and I am succumbing to the wounds created one after the other.I am getting weaker day by day.I am suffering a mental imbalance.I can feel my mind travelling through a long dark tunnel and there seems to be no end to it..I am running, still running in search of a beam of light which could show me a way out of it.

A girls thoughts is her most sacred possession..But when it is made fun of by your most dear ones..you feel insulted..I may laugh, I might cry, might get confused, might even get lost.Yes...a void I feel deep within. A precious me feels handicapped as if I could never find myself again.
Please stop!!Stop!!!I plead...I hold my palms tight onto my head not letting the worst screw me..but somehow it finds its way out of my finger spaces.It does not make sense I know.But how can I stop this happening with me..I am fighting for words to explain how vulnerable I have become.I try to sleep weeping silently every night under my soft blanket.The pillow drenches every night holding my tears.
Yes all this while, my distressed mind wants to cry out loud, need to be heard, wish to be caressed and cared.As the saying goes,"A mind quite vacant is a mind distressed"..but what if a mind despite of being busy still feels distressed...:(
Yes!!!I do feel divorced but somewhere I am happy that I am still married to my dreams...:)

Remembering 21/10..;( :):)

    Just like 9/11, I too have a date to remember...yes...21/10....another tragic date in my life...tears still fill my eyes and I wonder why me??why it had to happen with me??What would have been my wedding date then has now come and gone...Good bye 21/10...
    Well...I have no clue why am I penning this down...but the saddest and darkest day of my life came as a memory when I was asked to fill a form while attending an interview today...the date column took me back, an year away from today..For about five minutes I could see myself going into a  full fledged flashback of my own life..and it ended up with a pat on my shoulder "Di(which is a colloquial in Malayalam language  for hey), have some water and relax."
    Yes, I was happy to feel myself in the real world when I saw my guy standing by my side handing out  a bottle of water.
But, never should such things happen with any girl and never should any girl's dreams shatter.Even today I curse the anonymous call for having shattered my wedding dreams but somewhere deep in my heart I also thank the person for having made our bond stronger and for creating a new beginning for us.
    That is when I realized that most of the times things shake you up sooo badly that it becomes difficult for you to  uproot yourself and emerge completely yourself all over again.But, we often forget or rather blindfold our eyes towards the opportunity lying in front of us which is indeed a reason to grow stronger..Of course in the path of emerging stronger, we may lose out on the best and closest things in our life...But like the saying goes..."somethings are better left unsaid.."
For every action we take there is a reason and a reaction, and the reason is best when it is better known to us.Just a small thought making one of my bitter sweet moments a bit private..

   So people I am signing off with this note.."Keep dreaming..Keep rocking..Beautiful things might keep happening...You never know";)

.....Getting Started..:)

Oh Yes....Life has changed a lottt..
I want to write a lot....
With thoughts pouring in and out,
Time is all set to rot..
and I dunno what I have forgot,
Probably,
Its just a small thought...
that 'Life is too Short'
So just play the Host
and Let's raise the toast
towards making the best and the most .:)

One YEAR Later....

Yeaaahhhh!!!Almost an year...Had been away from my little world of emotions..I was lost...got carried away somewhere in my thoughts ..it has clogged my small little head and left me with no space to think any further...Before I could move on with my new thoughts and my stupid dreams I need to get rid off some cob webs which mend their way making things impossible for me. "Where there is no hope, one must invent hope"~Albert Camus

Trust the above saying if you ever want to give a meaning to your life..Things do happen in life unexpected.Life throws you curveballs at the back of your head when you are least expecting them and knock you down leaving you all alone.To emerge out brave from all those shackles is what Life is all about..Hope is everything you can later survive on.Hope is all that you can work to make things happen. Yes, to feel like a loser in life is the worst thing that can happen.At some point of time in our lives, be it materialistic or otherwise,we do experience loss..A loss, that can never be mended if we try to sit back and think the reason behind the loss..A'hope' is something which has to be build up, of course to make our dreams come true.Being a huge fan of dreaming, I still continue doing that and I know someday they are all going to be a reality(that being the happiest day of my life)..Its not far I know and I will be rejoicing some day(probably writing down a book on 'dreams'which might even turn out to be a best seller...you never know)...duh uh....started dreaming again..:P I just remembered I had been away all this time and missed(must say ,almost lost) my little shoes towards the 'blogging' world.When I came across them today, I could not stop myself from wearing them again and getting into my beautiful world..Ohhh!!How much I missed you...I hope I can come back soon with something new for all you out there who enjoy blogging/blogs and something which can bring the best curve on your faces. Happy Reading and Happy Blogging!!!

Unlearning to learning Life...:):)

Yess!!!!I am back ...Its indeed been a long hiatus from the world of blogging.But emotions fill up my mind and my personal diary is not a safe place to pen them down.I really dont appreciate the fact that my folks at home check on to each and every personal belonging of mine..and the emotions stay in some corner of my heart and I dwell upon it.Finally I thought why not get back to my world of blogging??I find myself quite happy here in this virtual world..of course wont help me for long.I have my own way of doing things and I beleive things get done only if you dream about getting them done.Some say dreams are not meant to be real.They pass on with every single night.But, when I talk about dreams...its not about the normal ones I have during my sleep but the ones I have when I am absolutely awake and dreaming with open eyes...That's what dreams are for me...Which I know will become a reality of my life tomorrow.None of my folks around me like me for what I am.They say I am stubborn and selfish and I really dont care about others.I must go through pain to know what suffering is...blah.. blah ..blah..Life has always been a stage of suffering for me...I guess its the same with all.Not everyone is born with a golden spoon to live them kingsize with no worries.Here I remember a saying from one of my closest and loving friend and dear mentor "Life is not a bed of roses" to which I would say "Life is a bed of roses which come with thorns"(of course read it somewhere) and its true that each one of us has his own share of ups and downs.Every stage becomes a living experience and makes each one of us strong examples of what we are today..How unexpected and unpredictable life can be!!!I have no clue where life is taking me.But,all I know is..I want to live my dreams...people say I am an emotional fool and hence become a victim of 'emotional atyachaars' very easily.True to a certain extent..But I understand being practical and materialistic is what life is all about.I understand life is such a complex thing and the more you make it complicated the more you suffer.Trying to look on the optimistic side of life and being realistic is all one should care about and if you believe in God...Just do your best and leave the rest upon Him...I know God does exist and there is a power who will take care of us and with whom we can just say "See...these are my dreams and I am on my way to fulfill it and its upto you to help me fulfill it"..:)Sounding selfish...am I??haha..as I sign off I promise that I will be back soon...and I have decided I will be seen penning down my thoughts right over here more often like never before...Cheers to life and to all the "dreamers" out there.."Dream unlimited and give life to your dreams!!!"..dats what life is all about...:)

I am growing OLD...OLDER...:(

2 more months...to be more precise only 60 days left for my student life to get over...and also for my next birthday..:(It was just yesterday that I had fought with my parents to continue with my Master's Programme without taking a break.And now when I am preparing for my exams...this thought crossed my mind and some kind of fear started developing..I started muttering to myself,"I am no more a child...m goin to be 25...ufff!!!"..the yesteryears of our life are no more going to come back. i have no idea where and what is kept in store for me after these two months.when i look 10 years back I was a happy bright innocent school going girl with lot of dreams and always used to wonder when I will start enjoying college life.And today I just cant believe that I have grown up into a BIGG girl...10 years down the lane I will be a woman who will be reminded about my beautiful student life everytime I see a kid or rather when i will be with my own kids.Till the age of 20 every birthday used to make me happy and its not the same anymore..The thought of getting older brings a sick feeling within me even though it excites me what the next stage of life is going to bring in for me..though I am comfortable with the person who I have grown up to be,though I know that I am an adult now and I am grown big enough to take my own decisions and need not worry much about having an opinion of myself and can do, think and say what I feel,there does comes a stage in my life, in each one of our lives, when we end up doing some things just like a kid.The reminiscence of my yesteryears are making me a bit nostalgic today.its making me wish if I could really go back to those days when all I had to do was just get pampered with lots of love and all I had to think and believe was santas and fairies existed..and dreamed to get a partner like he-man/superman(as they were the only ones with supernatural powers):)How funny it is that when we are younger we want to get older and when we are growing old we want to get younger...how much i wish if the latter was possible.Its rightly said,"Grass looks greener on the other side".We keep joking about getting older but at some point of time we got to admit it..In another 5 years I will be going around searching for anti-agening creams...OMG!!!I just wish if somebody could gift me a time machine on my next birthday..Thankfully this song makes me happy everytime the fear of getting old starts holding on to me..."Dil toh baccha hein jii...thoda kaccha hein jiii.."Song courtesy:ISHQIYA..Sharing the fear of getting older..LOL.again my insomniac nights are reminding me that i am getting older..and i got to try hitting my bed hard to catch on some sleep.Gudnyt..:)

SORRY

To write about 'SORRY' is something that I am sorry about.But i really cant help it.You would wonder why?The reason if I tell you now will end up in a bye-bye.So dont cry and read till the time flies.
"Tired of being sorry..."one of my favourite enrique collection.
'SORRY' can break hearts and also mend hearts.
"I am sorry but I dont think we would get along well with each other"(breaking hearts).
"I am sorry that I never understood you and I want you to get back to me"(mending some broken hearts).
How strange!!I love the word 'SORRY' because its such a powerful word which does not need any further explanations.A word to express regret but for different reasons.
"Sorry to say that he is no more"(even though you are not the reason for his/her not being there anymore).
Death,love,friendship,relations all ends and starts with a 'SORRY'.I am again sorry for wasting your precious time making you wait to read why I wrote about SORRY.Its just cos www.oneword.com gave me the word 'SORRY' to write about and I had nothing else in my mind.But trust me..never feel sorry to say sorry if you are really sorry about something..